pengalaman & pengajaran

Who is he? This kiddo is cucu to our neighbour dulu masa kat rumah sewa kitorang kat Cheras. The pakcik pindah situ pun baru je, just before raya 2006. memang selalu kitorang nampak budak ni kat rumah pakcik tuh, nampak father dia (menantu pakcik) tp tak pernah berkesempatan jumpa his mum. pakcik and makcik tu baik.. makcik jenis senyap2 sikit..tp pakcik tu mmg peramah.. so mmg ngam gile la ngan abang.. selalu la dia citer pasal the only cucu dia ni, and abang pun duk citer psl erina. lagi pun kitorang ni sebaya ngan anak dia, mak si hafiz nih. pastu pulak, nama hafiz ni nak dekat sama ngan abang, rafiz.. so selalu ter-confius..pakcik tu panggil cucu dia, nanti abang yang terperasan pakcik tu panggil dia pun menyahut ler..hehe.. kadang ptg2 nampak father hafiz ni nanti bwk dia lepak2 kat luar..

so after a while tu, tak nampak pun pakcik and makcik kat rumah. kitorang assume diorang blk another umah diorang kat selayang.. or pegi umrah ke..bercuti ke.. sampai la this one night, kitorang nak kluar makan.. then makcik tu ade kat luar. abang dah tunggu dlm kereta kat luar gate ngan erina.. and me terkial-kial nak kunci umah.. then tegur la makcik tu sbb lama tak nampak..skali makcik tu kata.. "makcik duk kat umah selayang.. sebab anak makcik, mak si hafiz tuh masuk hospital.. jd takde orang nak jaga hafiz.." it turned out that mak si hafiz tuh was warded and rumah diorang ni kat selayang jugak kira dkt la ngan umah makcik ni yg lagi satu tuh. tanya la, warded kat mana.. kat HUKM... la.. dekat la ngan Cheras. kenapa tak duduk sini je. well, according to makcik, the hubby prefer duk kat selayang sbb senang dia nak pi keje.. oh ok. tp tak ke jauh nak berulang from selayang ke HUKM?? well, i believe they sure have made the best decision kan..kita tak tau apa lagi yg dia nak kena fikir..so ok la..

so kenapa mak hafiz ni masuk hospital? mula2 tu takut nak tanya sbb mcm confidential ke kan..tp mulut ni sgt gatal and hati sgt la nak tau.. so politely i ask, bila masuk hospital.. dah kluar ke?? trying to assume mcm takde la serius kan.. then makcik tu punya reply really break my heart.. "dia ada cancer.. dah lama dah..memang asyik keluar masuk hospital je..." i was speechless.. taktau nak ckp apa.. then terus cut the conversation short, takut plak makcik tu sedih.. masuk dlm kereta cerita la kat abang.. and kitorang mmg shock giler.. and i remember abang ckp kat erina "erina doakan daddy and mummy sihat ye sayang.."

so nak dijadikan cerita.. when abang was diagnosed, kebetulan mak si hafiz nih (i really can't recall her name now) pun warded.. taksure plak since my conversation ngan makcik tu dia ade kluar ke tak from hospital.. masa me and abg kat hospital, my parents la duduk kat umah kitorang tuh..so ade la satu hari nih, pakcik ni kebetulan dpt chat ngan my father.. tanya la..mana rafiz and nani..then my father pun citer la kat dia.. dia terkujat giler la kan.. sbb anak dia pun still warded, at the same hospital.. cuma different level.. pastu takde angin apa2 tetiba abg sakit bahaya tuh..

so satu ptg nih, pakcik&makcik ni dtg kat level kitorang.. since masa tu visitors takleh masuk bilik abg kan..pakcik n makcik ni jumpa nani kat luar je.. borak2 la.. then rupa-rupanya, anak pakcik ni pun sakit lebih kurang mcm abg jugak.. tp dia lymphoma ke apa entah.. and dia pun under the same prof! what a coincidence kan? tp dia dah sakit lama, before dia kawin lagi..mula2 start, sakit kelenjar apa entah.. so buat operation, dah buang bende tuh..elok.. then tetiba masa dia pregnant kan hafiz tuh, sakit dia dtg balik..and dah infected the blood.. masa tu dia pregnant 5mths kot..doc suh buat chemo right away.. doc kata kena choose, nak selamatkan mak or anak.. sbb doc kata kalau buat chemo, anak takkan dpt survive the chemo.. so they decided to proceed with the chemo.. and guess what.. Allah swt tu tentukan segala-galanya.. chemo was completed and baby was still alive and even stronger!! yes, this hafiz was really a survivor..subhanallah.. kuasa Allah swt.. and she had to undergo c-section, i think it was premature kalau tak silap.. to cut story short(er), the mum was in-out of hospital sampai la masa tuh. and imagine, the parents berulang alik EVERYDAY all the way from selayang to cheras! pakcik even came during lunch hour hantar kan lunch for her sbb anak dia kata food hospital tak sedap, then ptg dtg again ngan makcik pulak.. how lucky she was!! the hubby busy with work, tak sure if he came everyday ke tak..

after that visit, i was so busy monitoring abang, nak pegi visit mak si hafiz ni kat one level down pun tak sempat.. sbb kat her level tu ade visiting hours.. so slalu je tak kena time.. tapi pakcik ni mmg selalu sms me, tanya abg ok ke tak. nani ok ke tak.. terharu kan.. sbb dia kata kitorang ni mcm anak dia je..ye la.. sebaya.. sampailah hari abang kena pindah masuk HDW. it was thursday.. nani sms pakcik bagi tau.. dia terperanjat..sbb dia ingatkan anak dia lagi teruk.. pastu, tak sangka pulak, tak silap the same evening, anak dia pulak masuk HDW.. because abg low immunity, he was put in a single room.. anak pakcik ni dekat katil yg kat luar tuh.. satu partition 2 org.. pun sbb busy sgt jaga abg masa tuh and visitors plak non-stop..tak sempat betul nak pegi visit her.. sampai la hari sabtu.. sthing happen tgh hari tuh between us-somebody close-nurse.. the nurse was pissed off bcoz of that incident..so entah camana nurse tu tercerita psl anak pakcik nih..nurse tu kata dia agak teruk..since yesterday takleh nak tranfuse darah.. body dia reject.. blood pressure tetiba naik tinggi giler.. and dia akan pengsan bila nak transfuse.. so ptg tu, i made a point, kena jugak visit dia.. so after solat Asar, alhamdulillah dpt jugak jumpa dia.. the hubby and her bro were there.. good news is, dia baru je ok skit..so dah bleh transfuse darah.. tp blood pressure dia mmg sgt scary.. she didn't talk much..and the hubby said to me "u ok la dpt teman kan dia kat sinih.. sbb duduk bilik..kitorang takleh.." yes, alhamdulillah.. after i beg kat prof to let me accompany him, they let me... i told them if anything, just call me anytime.. since i'm the only healthy person (kind of..) kat situ selain the nurses and doctors kan and i'll be there 24x7. kot la ade apa2 kan..

just 2 days after, the same morning i was informed that abg was going to be transferred to ICU, prof told me that they are going to transfer mak si hafiz tu kat dlm bilik abg tuh.. prof signed both forms in front of me..satu form utk abg pegi ICU, the other form utk mak si hafiz tu pindah bilik tuh.. then prof citer la about her sikit2.. i wonder, camana la masa tu i still have the time nak dengar bende2 tuh kan..padahal i know abg nak kena pi hantar ICU nih..entah la.. but deep in my heart, ade rasa a small piece of happy for her..at least i know that abg's move to ICU bukan semuanya tak baik.. his move enabled her to have a better place to rest kan.. at least now ade org can accompany her..that's something good..

that night, after abg left me to meet Allah swt.. i sms almost all his friends and kenalan..including pakcik nih.. he didn't reply..maybe dia pun shock.. i invited him for tahlil, but he didn't turn up.. maybe dia busy ngan anak dia.. few weeks after that, pakcik ni call nani.. just tanya khabar and say sorry sbb tak dtg for tahlil tuh.. i asked about his daughter, dia kata still kat hospital.. duduk bilik abang tu lagi.. alhamdulillah..she's surviving..pakcik selalu jugak call me tanya khabar.. and i appreciate that so much..

about 4mths++ lepas tuh, i think baru je habis iddah, one day tu nani kat alamanda.. had lunch with a friend.. i was late for office.. tgh nak byr parking, dpt a call from pakcik.. "nani, pakcik nak bagi tau..anak pakcik dah takde... baru je lagi.." i trembled.. my voice was shaking.. rasa tangan kaki semua mcm lemah.. rasa nak pengsan.. nasib baik la i managed to cool down myself.. taktau nak ckp apa..."sabar ye pakcik.."....kaki tangan still menggigil lagi nih... "ye nani.. pakcik redha.. kesian kat dia tanggung sakit.. mcm ni lepas la sakit dia tuh.. insya Allah dia bersemadi dgn tenang.." i ask him for his address.. dia kata susah nak gi umah dia. if i want to visit, dia suh i come to HUKM..sbb dia kata jenazah masih kat hospital.. dia mintak org hospital mandikan and kafankan.. nak kebumi ptg tu jugak.. without 2nd thought, i said i'd come now.. i call my colleage, suh lock my notebook kat office and inform her ade relative passed away.. when i reached HUKM, terus pegi bilik mayat.. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THAT IS.. i was there.. just few months back.. it broke my heart, i had mix feeling about being there, but i didn't think i've made a wrong move.. that's exactly where i want to be at that time.. i saw her hubby..oh! i couldn't imagine how he felt at that time.. masa tuh ade 3 org je kat situ.. the hubby, the hubby's mother and sister je kat situ.. org lain belum sampai..pakcik and makcik dah blk selayang to prepare for the funeral.. the hubby cried..dia sempat cerita what they were doing when tetiba she didn't move anymore.. yup, she died in that room kat HDW.. and i think the hubby was still in shock.. kesian sgt2.. then there i was standing exactly where i stood that night.. flashes of memories came to mind..no, i'm not going to cry.. i'm here to give them some support. this is not about me.. this is about her and the people she left behind.. and something happened.. something totally tak pernah terfikir langsung.. but i'm glad.. i'm so grateful.. i think God answered my prayers.. though dgn cara lain sikit..but i took it as another way my prayer, my wish, my hope were answered. alhamdulillah.. thank you Allah swt..

rasa terkilan sgt tak dpt jumpa pakcik, makcik and hafiz.. so i decided to follow them to the house kat selayang.. sepanjang jln tu duk recall segala-mala bende.. sampai umah, pakcik makcik terkejut to see me there.. dia kata.. "laa.. sampai jugak nani kat sinih.. nani.. dia sebaya nani je..".. ye makcik.. i know.. how i wish there's something i can do/say to make you feel better makcik..i'm so sorry... then i saw hafiz.. he didn't understand a thing.. he even refused to give his mum the last kiss.. he's just a 2-yr-old kid masa tuh.. i really pity you dear.. pakcik tak perasan pun i was there.. dia non-stop baca yassin and Quran at her side.. terharu and it touched me really deep.. nani tak pegi majlis kebumi because nani period..and it's already late.. i'm not familiar at all ngan tempat tuh and i was alone.. so nani sempat jumpa makcik before i left.. she told me.. "makcik redha nani.. Tuhan sayang kan dia.. dia pun sakit dah lama.." then she turned at hafiz.."kesian kat hafiz la..." i told her.."sabar ye makcik.. Allah dah tentukan..makcik jaga diri baik2 ye..call la saya kalau ade apa2.." then she left nak pegi tanah perkuburan.. me.. headed to my car.. and drove home..

what an experience Allah swt has let me go through..just a turn of fate, pakcik tu boleh pindah sebelah umah kitorang..bayangkan lamanya mak hafiz tu sakit.. bygkan hafiz yg tak pernah kenal a healthy mum.. now ni he called makcik tu 'mak'.. and it amaze me how Allah swt gantikan something yg nani takdpt sebelum tuh, dgn something almost the same through this family..it made me realize Allah swt dah tentukan perjalanan hidup setiap manusia.. she's been sick since 18, keluar masuk hospital berkali-kali.. buat chemo a few times sampai dia dah tak sanggup nak buat dah..and yet, abang yg sihat walafiat, tetiba je sakit and pergi dulu, earlier than her.. siapa yg kita nak salahkan? nak salahkan doctor sbb doc tak usaha bersungguh-sungguh? nak salahkan nurse sbb nurse tak jaga dia dgn baik? nak salah kan the spouse? nak salahkan the food? nak salahkan sebab tak pegi check awal? well, apa yg nani rasa.. dlm hal ni tak de sapa2 pun yg boleh disalahkan.. semua tu hanya penyebab sedangkan Allah swt dah tentukan semua nya sedari mula.. cuma kita ni kan manusia, terlalu banyak kelemahan dan takkan dpt jangkau pengetahuan Allah swt... jgnla salahkan sesiapa.. tengok la diri sendiri and bermuhasabah.. no amount of money can stop apa yg Allah swt tentukan.. no amount of love kat dunia ni yg boleh tandingi kasih Allah swt.. and bila kita tak dpt satu bende, jgnla terlalu bersedih sbb insya Allah, Allah dah tentukan sesuatu yg lain utk kita.. yg lebih baik utk kita...that goes to myself..

semoga Allah cucuri rahmat ke atas roh arwah..dan semoga Tuhan melindungi Hafiz selalu..may you grow up to be a good muslim and don't forget to send her your prayers dear..dan semoga the husband, pakcik and makcik terus tabah...amin....