plan my time, my life

i have my own wish list of what i want to achieve (though they are a bit blur now..) but they are not attached to any timeline. i do have goals in life only that i don't set the target in terms of time, 5yrs, 10 year time etc. but i am very sure I do store the plan somewhere in my head which is yet to be translated into a more readable format for other people to understand. i used to have that someone who can do "mind reading" which save me the effort for the translation..but it's ok.. i guess, for now translation is not necessary..

on a smaller scale, locating time for specific activities is just not my thing. i just do things when i feel like it. most of the time i only have a 'draft' plan consist of what i need to do, but with no specific details like when, what time, what day. but on rare ocassion i would really set my mind and i would have a schedule carved in my head. this is when i will feel excited or motivated instead of the usual "i'm-the-lousiest-person-on-earth" feeling. since i don't get to enjoy this good feeling very often nowadays, whenever i have the chance, i would meredah lautan api to stick to it! (unless God or me, myself and I decide otherwise) :-) and the last thing i want to do is to have to alter it because of some other people's bad time management or because i need to consider some other people's plan. well, i'm not all that bad. when i'm "plan-less" i'm a bit more flexible. though i may not be that willing to plan my time to accomodate other peoples', still I do have that little consideration. but when i do think i have a plan, then i'll be this one selfish person and all i can say is "sorry, i already have some plan". is this the new me? maybe it is... or maybe this is the part of me that's been hidden for a long time for the sake of the man i truly love. well, the love remains, only that i have to learn to be independent and be firm for my ownself and hers too. if only we have some other choice.

cerita tertunda

i told my fren i think i tgh face middle age crisis. but dia kata i'm not middle age pun :) hehe. ok maybe not exactly middle age la.. but age transition crisis? ade ke? i'll turn 29 soon.. (ehem..ehem..) apa ade pada nombor? i think this 29 mark a few things - 1) last yr menjadi 20's.. lepas ni dah no 3 kat depan.. aiyoo.. 2) first time ever i'll be older than him.. (but still so much younger than some people kan..heehhehehe.. stay positive! )

ok tukar topic. last saturday morning, pegi tengok my nephew main futsal.. inter-district for pre-school kids.. comel sangat! ye la kids age 6thn.. but it was amazing to see their fighting spirit.. ade yg nangis sbb kalah so cikgu kenala dukung and pujuk.. so cute! my nephew represent kuala selangor. it's already semi final round that day.. so my nephew punya team draw 1-1 with team gombak kot masa semi..so kenala penalti kick nak decide the finalist.. these kids got style ok.. hehe.. kuala selangor won so masuk final against petaling utama kot..petaling won 1-0..

then that night ade department dinner at park royal.. so pkl 5 i made my way there.. actually i was supposed to be there at 1pm for rehearsal..tp i got excused la.. dah janji ngan my mum nak bwk dia pegi tengok the futsal match...the theme was 'box office'.. i actually planned to wear kebaya merah.. konon nak jadi vanida imran la.. tp my red kebaya ade masalah teknikal plak.. i ended up wearing green kebaya.. pakai kebaya sbb that's what they chose for the joget..malas nak tukar2 baju.. tak ramai yg dress up pun.. but yg paling attract attention skali was the ju-on! i was capturing him in my video cam for a few seconds..tetiba mcm rasa seram.. terus stop.. hahaha.. now nak transfer the video to my pc pun rasa takut.. ade 2 bende i looked forward to that nite.. first was the video presentation prepared by 11 of us.. check it out on youtube:

second was the joget! hehee.. it went ok but i think i prefer the ones masa practise multiple times better than the actual on stage.. i got so extremely nervous! budus! the video taken from my video cam was not that good.. tunggu video from the pro video man.. kalau mcm ok nanti i'll let you see it ok.. hahahhaha....and for the first time ever, i won lucky draw (my lucky month kot.. i won another lucky draw masa foxpro party on thursday).. tetapi, percaya tak i didn't know where i left the gift. sampai umah baru perasan hadiah nya takde..hahahaha.. kan nyanyok..

sunday pegi jalan2 with erina, mak and adik shopping baju raya..hehehe.. all in all, it was a good weekend.. (plus gaji masuk awal.. with bonus too..alhamdulillah.. rezeki..) tomorrow night ade company dinner plak and theme is WHITE, LIVING IN COLOR?? apa kah.. i'll go casual.. khakhis and white blouse.. akan car pool ngan jun kot... kak, aku dah almost 2thn tak pegi klcc ok..so mmg tak tahu apa perkembangan kat area tuh.. so sgt la bergantung kepada ko nih...hehehe..bersiap sedia la if tetiba aku buat emosi plak nanti..hehehe...mcm tak biasa eh.. :-)

p/s: hubby's brother got married today. selamat pengantin baru.

guys..

i don't have many guys friends.anti-sosial? maybe.. i don't know, memang dr dulu2 lagi i'm not that friendly with them i think (hubby would agree on this i'm sure..hehe..). guys friends i have now are my classmate masa uni or someone i work with at work or my husband's friends.. and one or two i know masa sekolah rendah.. what i'm trying to say is, i don't simply go out with them though they sit next to me in the office. or i don't consider them as a friend just because they are my friend's friends. i don't bother what they think of me.. sombong ke, kerek ke, nerd ke or whatever! to add them in my friends list pun dah very selective, what more to go out with them kan..my selection criterias??? hmm.. susah nak ckp.. but i believe in chemistry.. so some people just don't make me feel comfortable..at all! :-)
so i met this one guy during a 3-day training in KL last 2 months i think. through out the 3 days we duduk at the same table during lunch together with few others la kan. we chat but unfortunately he fell into the group of people-who-never-make-me-feel-comfortable..sebabnya.. hmm.. biarla rahsia..hehehe.. after the training, he IM me.. so ok la.. we chat on IM.. it was an OK chat at first until he started asking to go out for lunch and even dinner with me.. maybe he just wanted to be friends.. so tak salah kan friend kluar for lunch with friends..problem is, i'm not sure if i actually consider him as a friend..maybe i'm such a bad girl la kan..i think i've already set my mind "ok he'll just be my IM friend".. so i gave him 1001 reasons.. in a polite way of course.. but i think he didn't get it.. i don't know if it's a good idea but after some time i decided to tell him the truth.. that i'll never go out with him, even as friends as he claimed..and i gave him my reasons.. i don't know how he took it.. i didn't hear from him for few weeks after that..which made me feel relief..but just last week, he IM me again.."bila nak kluar lunch?" and i think memang wrong timing la.. i was not in a good mood..so i replied "never"... mcm rude tak? yeah.. i think i was rude.. but then, i'm not sure if i care.. sbb i think i've tried to put it in a very nice way before not to hurt his feelings.. but did he ever think about me? boleh tak at this moment i only want to think about my feelings? i feel kind of bad for being rude..but i have no regret for saying no. well, i think i would want someone to be blunt and tell me upfront camtuh.. maybe it'll hurt la.. but then takde la prolong kan..isn't it easier mcm tuh?

see you again..

my bestmate since college is living for UK tonight. should i not be happy for her? i am happy. i am even more excited than her i think :-) but kenapa rasa sedih jugak at the same time? mcm time nak leave college after spm.. chool, sorry la.. i am so the emotional plak..
anyway honey, i'm sure you can take care of yourself.. and wan's presence makes it just perfect! enjoy yourself there (tak kisah la for what reason you are there ok..) if not for yourself pun, please enjoy on my behalf ok..hehehehe.. and so sorry i can't help to feel so the very jeles ok!!!.. nak ikut!! jadi maid you pun tak pe...
doakan i berjaya completekan my masters soon.. so tak payah dengar your question "yang mana satu??" again.. (it hurts ok..hahahhaha!!)..
have a safe trip..hope to see you again soon.. (mana tau i nak buat2 visit the junior plak nanti kan..)..hope things will turn out the best for you... and honey, you'll always be in my prayers.... good luck!!

mengapa tidak menangis kalau Allah tidak kasih?

Ramai orang sedih tidak dapat kasih orang lain.

Ramai orang menangis tidak dapat belai kasih.

Hati derita, jiwa sengsara, ada yang frust, ramai yang kecewa.

Isteri menangis tidak dapat belai kasih suami.

Suami sedih tidak dapat perhatian isteri.

Anak menangis tidak dapat kasih ibu.

Ibu menangis melihat anak-anak membiarkan dirinya.

Ramai yang berkecil hati tidak dapat simpati manusia.

Ramai yang jiwanya derita tiada siapa yang mempeduli.

Tidak kurang jiwa yang gelisah tidak dapat menagih kasih.

Begitulah manusia jiwa kosong ketiadaan kasih.

Wahai manusia, mengapa tidak menangis kalau Allah tidak kasih?

Mengapa tidak sedih kalau Allah tidak redha?

Mengapa dan mengapa tidak berusaha mengasihani agar kita dicintai, agar kita dikasihani.

Janganlah bersusah hati tidak dapat kasih manusia kerana ia tidak abadi dan tidak sejati.

Ketagihkanlah cinta Allah, carilah kasih sayang-Nya kerana ia kekal abadi lagi sejati.

thursday yang penat

penatnya!! i was in the crisis room shooting the video from 11am sampai 4pm ok! perghhhh.. giler penat.. work?? hahaha.. selamba.. but then after logon je terus jadi mcm robot.. ade 3 IM windows pop up.. urgent emails! urgent request! dammit! why today? sampai umah dah almost 7.30pm. then kena get ready for telco at 8pm. i brought back my notebook today, konon nak continue buat keje but then i hv this video rendering nak kena complete by tonight!aduish! sis, i really wish can join pegi bowling tonight..but so wrong timing la you!now while i'm typing, the roxio is running as i have to transfer some videos in the c: drive to cd.. my hdd is running out of space! time to get new hdd la. anyone nak pegi lowyat, please let me know. i'm so very lazy to drive there!
anyway, the video shoot was good! i have to stand on the table most of the time sbb the videocam needs to be at higher level to be able to capture the whole screen. well, will share it with you if i think it's ok to share.. (hv to check if it's considered as company's confidential info..hehe)..can't wait to see the final prod. won't get to do the editing though as Ms Producer cum Director want to do it herself. it's ok. i'm gonna have a copy and will do my own editing later (bila dah ade bende nak update mr sv for our next meeting of course!)
well, feel free to ignore me. just sharing "hari ni hangat ke tidak" since he's not here to lend his ears for me..ok, better get back to the video thingy. hope i dont have to stay up till so late tonight. tomorrow's gonna be another busy-busy day!

cool seh!

I'm typing this entry from my iPod using somebody's wireless network connection.haha.don't really plan to write an entry today actually.but for the sake of trying surfing the net via this iPod,so tulis la sikit:-) penat seh today.byk keje plak kat office and byk issues too! Ptg dah plan nak pi jogging ngan K.it was fun.something different and I am planning to keep this in my to-do list weekly maybe.overall it was a productive day today and a happier one too.God answered my prayers again.alhamdulillah.esok ada video shooting pulak kat office.. Hope it'll go smoothly.btw mquine booked me to be the videographer for M.C.J in April 2009.such an early planning but of coz dear, I'll be honoured!

joget kelantan

it's lunch hour and i'm fasting. i'm bored! i got work to do but seriusly bosan. i think i'm falling sick.. again! then what the hell am i doing here? wfh je la kan. but ade sthing yg i look forward to kat office actually. not the work of coz! oh, no..takde tall+slim+fair+almost botak+suka senyum+pakai specs+friendly+non-smoker+wear khakis and not-kain-licin-type-shirt guy kat sinih ye.. it's actually not so work-related.. tp related to some activities i have agreed to get involve in..the part of me yg i dah almost forget i have.hehehe. but seriusly it excites me! suka sangat! it brings back old memories..yeah, in college it used to be one of the shows yg all the girls looked forward to bila ade event apa2..then me and the other 7 girls represent college..we spent hours kat budiman hall tu kan to practise.. so missing those time..i told my mum..and she just smiled..nothing new to her i guess.. she has seen me on stage before.. we have another practise session at 5pm today.



i have this song downloaded to my ipod ok!haha!

you there?

dear abang,
i have tried not to talk to you, write to you or ym you anymore. but how can i when i have something wandering in my head and all the people in my "trust" list is not available now to listen and share this with me. mak is here but i cannot share this with her just yet.

just now, i was trying really hard to absorb "genetic algorithm" but these questions keep popping up. these few days, i've been quite busy at the office (with work and not-so-work stuff) but still it was not sufficient to erase these questions or even hide it for a while. yesterday, i was driving on the elite highway, feeling excited about the joget thingy, and yet still ade jugak these questions terselit-selit. when i started questioning myself in my sleep, then i know i really need to work on these questions.

i don't want to post the questions here. i hope God will send someone tonight, with whom i can share this thing that constantly bothering me. or else i'm gonna have another night analyzing it in my sleep :( pathetic, isn't it. i wanna cry.. i think people are bored with me..i know.. mengadu pada Tuhan is the best kan.. coz Tuhan tak pernah bosan. you are so right sayang.

exhausted me.