plan my time, my life

i have my own wish list of what i want to achieve (though they are a bit blur now..) but they are not attached to any timeline. i do have goals in life only that i don't set the target in terms of time, 5yrs, 10 year time etc. but i am very sure I do store the plan somewhere in my head which is yet to be translated into a more readable format for other people to understand. i used to have that someone who can do "mind reading" which save me the effort for the translation..but it's ok.. i guess, for now translation is not necessary..

on a smaller scale, locating time for specific activities is just not my thing. i just do things when i feel like it. most of the time i only have a 'draft' plan consist of what i need to do, but with no specific details like when, what time, what day. but on rare ocassion i would really set my mind and i would have a schedule carved in my head. this is when i will feel excited or motivated instead of the usual "i'm-the-lousiest-person-on-earth" feeling. since i don't get to enjoy this good feeling very often nowadays, whenever i have the chance, i would meredah lautan api to stick to it! (unless God or me, myself and I decide otherwise) :-) and the last thing i want to do is to have to alter it because of some other people's bad time management or because i need to consider some other people's plan. well, i'm not all that bad. when i'm "plan-less" i'm a bit more flexible. though i may not be that willing to plan my time to accomodate other peoples', still I do have that little consideration. but when i do think i have a plan, then i'll be this one selfish person and all i can say is "sorry, i already have some plan". is this the new me? maybe it is... or maybe this is the part of me that's been hidden for a long time for the sake of the man i truly love. well, the love remains, only that i have to learn to be independent and be firm for my ownself and hers too. if only we have some other choice.