specially dedicated to dear THESIS

"I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate
I'm yours"

***********

Dear Thesis,

I'm yours for this one year (i hope).
Don't let me down ok :-)

XXX: Nani

thank God it's FRIDAY!!

busiest day of the week, but as usual still sempat nak chatting.. haha. but i managed to complete ALL in my task list today. started the day with a good breakfast(+gossips) at terminal with ija. by the time i logon, it's almost 10am :-) farah ping me with a question "dah ambik payslip?" oh ye.. today is THE DAY! but the next sentence appeared on the im window killed the just-began excitement "the tax is like $&()(#@$^&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then ping ija telling her about the tax tuh.. and she reminded me "eh ok la tu... cer compare ngan aku...blablabla.." hehehe.. ok ija. yes, thanks for the reminder.. memang sgt tak bersyukur kan.. so hati yg tadi rasa cam nak bengang now turned into happy balik, though not as excited as i expected i would/should be today.
for lunch, we went to alamanda, konon nak pegi shopping la.but then we waited for 1 hour for farah's spaghetti bolognese and ija's chicken grill burger yg tak kesampaian! hampehh betul.. habis makan dah another 10mins to 2.30pm.. cheh...there goes my shopping..
sampai umah, erina was so excited to see me home, and her first sentence "mummy, jom pi 'su'!" "su tu apa yang.." after a few guess, oh ok.."ZOO".. laaa.. kesian betul.. ini la bahaya nya cakap apa2 ngan erina sekarang.... dia akan ingat and akan tuntut punya la selagi tak dapat... so, looks like i have a plan for tomorrow..boleh snapping2 dengan my new best fren :-)
tetapi sekarang, i am so penat.. maghrib tadi tido jap sampai pukul 8 baru pi solat. hmm.. apa nak buat mlm nih.. macam malas gile nak penatkan otak lagi baca journal.. maybe will do something lighter today.. oh, yes.. i have some pictures and video nak kena transfer.. and the flash designs nak kena siapkan...
but then bila pepikir.. it's friday night la!! patut buat aktiviti yg lebih involve manusia drpd mengadap this monitor kan.. apa leh buat.. ini la nasib ku... janji i'm happy!!

publish paper

my sv wanted me to publish a paper for a conference which will be held Jun next year! next year.. lambat lagi tuh.. sekali click on the website and it says the paper must be submitted by end of Sept! aiiyooo gitu! baca journals ni pun merangkak semacam nih and yet you want me to publish? i shoot an email to him " sempat ke?" and dgn segala confident nya he said "sempat.. " sungguh menakutkan dia punya yakin tuh.. does he know that without the intention of writing a paper ni pun i sleep at 2am every night ..apa kah lagi nak menyiapkan paper to publish. kena ambik cuti tanpa gaji la mcm nih. butttttttttt.... the interesting part, and something that should be my motivation is....if my paper is selected, i'll be "holidaying" in M****** next year! hahaha...yeah right nani.. belum apa2 dah berangan...

sepi and crying...

i'm (still)reading about GA and though i tried really hard to concentrate, i feel really "sepi".. i miss him. so very much. i don't like this. well, not now. it's slowing me down while i really need to focus! but what can i do? crying is all i can do now, huh?

takpe.. Allah swt sentiasa bersama orang yang sabar kan...

go holiday!!

I WAS STUDYING :> when yahoo mail alert prompt me for another email promotion from airasia tonight. hmm.. bila la nak bwk erina naik her first flight ye.. perhaps it's time to plan a holiday? hemmm.. anyway, was looking at some of the photos during our europe trip back in 2005 and this is my pick tonight..hehehe..


he looked extra-handsome in this picture kan? hehe.. this picture was taken during transit at Milan airport(i think!). look at me..well, i was around 7wks pregnant at that time.. yup.. lucky me, i didn't experience morning sickness or whatever sickness (except super-duper malas & super-duper manja sickness la kot.heheh) so boleh la pergi berjalan-jalan (though that gynae did freak us out to death few days before our departure).. another thing to notice here... see the board behind us.. just about a year after this europe trip, we then flew off to STOCKHOLM!! beautiful, beutiful city!! well, i also see "Manchester" there.. hmmmmmmmmmm.. can you guess what i'm thinking now ??? :> will keep that in my wish list!

i had enough!

ok sayang.. just one more.. :>

my wishes..

Alhamdulillah.. Thank you God for the 29yrs of life.. and terima kasih mak lahirkan akak ke dunia... thank you all for the birthday wishes and prayers..my birthday wish this year..certain things I just couldn't put it in words.. so here among things that i can extract from my mind and heart..

I wish (in no particular order)..

1. God will give me more strength and patience to face the coming days..

2. I'll be a better muslim

3. God will let me feel happy (without feeling guilty) and be grateful when He grant me something good..

4. God will be with me whenever I feel sad..

5. I can face His challenges with redha and I am always in His Guidance in everything I do

6. God will only grant me rezeki yang halal...

7. God give me good health to perform my ibadah and take really good care of Erina, my parents and people I love

8. I'll be a better mom to princess Erina Aisyah..a better daughter, sister, friend, employee and a better person as whole..

9. the missing him part will not go away, i want to still cry and be sad whenever i miss him but it won't stop me from being happy..

10. God will give me strength to pack his clothes and do whatever I need to do with all his belonging..

11. to be able to complete my masters before my next birthday :-)

12. to get a much more interesting position (not that the current one is boring..but been doing it for almost 2 yrs. it's time for something new!)

13. to become more IT-freak and hoping for some freelance jobs ;-)

14. to be committed in my new hobbies.. not really new.. but baru now got the chance to pursue it

15. to exercise more.. play games.. regular jogging..

siapalah kita..

bila kita sedih dan susah, kenapa kita hanya nampak bende yg kita tak dapat
pernah tak kita fikirkan bahawa sedih dan susah itu mungkin
ade baiknya untuk kita
bukankah setiap yang terjadi pasti ade hikmahnya
bukankah Allah swt Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Pengasih
mana mungkin Allah swt akan menganiayi hamba2Nya..
kenapa kita sering cari pertolongan dari yang belum tentu dpt tolong kita
kita salahkan manusia bila mereka tak dapat tolong kita
kita jadi buntu dan lebih sedih
akhirnya kita jadi putus asa
kenapa kita lupa pada kekuasaan Allah swt
kenapa kita tidak yakin
bukankan firman Allah swt mengatakan
Allah swt duga hamba2-Nya supaya Dia dapat mendengar suara mereka
suara hamba2Nya yang mengadu dan meminta pertolonganNya
maka yakinlah kita Allah swt Maha Benar
setiap yang dijanji pasti dikotakan
asalkan kita mahu merendahkan diri dan meminta
Allah swt takkan bosan dan takkan biarkan kita sendirian
cuma kadang-kala hamba2 Allah ini lupa
bila Allah swt telah berikan belas kasih-Nya memberi pertolongan
kita merasakan itu semua usaha kita, usaha manusia
tak salah berusaha, memang itu yang sewajarnya..
tapi janganlah kita lupa
walau setinggi mana usaha manusia
namun tanpa izin daripada-Nya
siapa lah kita..

i only meant to share my thought and as a reminder to myself..
semoga Allah swt sentiasa jadikan kita hamba-hambanya yang sentiasa bersyukur dengan nikmatnya dan redha dengan Qada' dan Qadar nya.. amin

8797- 9797

he asked his friend to withdraw his money from the atm. unfortunately that friend entered the wrong pin (or was it intentionally??)so the atm card kena telan. that's the story from him-la. so it was tonight, 11 years ago that he called lennie's hp to talk to me. he asked me to accompany him to the bank the next day to claim the atm card. why me? hehehe..that was his tactic i guess to ask me out.. for the very first time ever, to ask a girl out :-) ..as for me.. hehe.. of course maintain as cool as i could on the phone. but the moment i hang up the phone.. hahaha... let's just say, i wish i could fastforward the clock!! who wouldn't be excited when orang yg you suka asked you out kan! plus.. it was my first ever time as well.. first loves.. bukan cinta biasa..hahaha..

the day finally came.. we had class that morning.. after the class (was it physics? or calculus?) he approached me with a card in his hand.. he handed the card to me and remind me for our "date" that afternoon.oh my God! sakit perut giler!! (expression my friends and I used for something yang "best giler"..what an explanation la..) as usual, of course i still wanted to maintain cool.. but then dlm hati rasa mcm katie's hall tu jauh giler! walked as fast as I could.. sampai bilik terus bukak card and rasa mcm nak melompat (was i?) sbb too excited..it was a birthday card in yellow envelope..one thing yg very2 funny.. he got my name wrong!!! caya tak caya la.. apa nih.. minat orang tp nama pun tak tau.. haiyaa.."NANI NURHAYU".. siapakah itu?? if he had decided to "post" the card instead of "by hand", i would have doubt if it was meant for me :-) another thing that kept myself and friends wonder.. it's tomorrowla! dah lah salah nama.. salah date jugak??tak cukup buat research nih..

us.. back in mcc year 1998

that afternoon i waited for him in front of katie hall. black jeans and red shirt.sempoi aje. from far i saw him walking towards me. blue jeans and blue t-shirt. i could still remember that t-shirt. we took a cab kat depan dewan mat kilau tuh. and guess what he said.."i don't have money to pay for the cab. you pay first eh. nanti after dah dpt withdraw duit, i blanja makan.." apa daa? first date and i pay? hampess... the date was.. great! sakit perut giler :-) i told him he got my name wrong and the date wrong. he apologized for the name.. malu la of course! but for the date.. he said "i know it's tomorrow.."

i did ask him lepas2 tu la why a day before? and he said.."because i'm sure you wanted to go celebrate it with your friends on the day itself. i don't want to spoil it. i don't think i deserve to be with you on your special day masa tuh. that day should be for you and your friends.."

logik ke dia fikir camtuh?? hmmm... i guess..that is him..

mummy sayang erina sangat

erina sayang,

mummy sayang erina sangat though sometimes erina suka buat mummy bengang
mummy tetap sayang erina sangat though erina sayang org yg made life mummy miserable
mummy tetap sayang erina though erina ckp erina taknak balik umah mummy
mummy tetap sayang erina sangat though erina at times tak excited pun nampak mummy
mummy tetap sayang erina sangat though it hurts mummy so much when i miss you the whole day and yet erina taknak dukung and hug mummy when we meet..

mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak kisah if erina akan buat tudung mummy senget..
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak kisah if mummy kena dukung erina bila erina kata erina penat..
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak kisah if erina rosakkan baju kebaya mummy yg cun tuh :-)
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak rasa erina memalukan mummy though erina jerit menangis-nangis and semua org tengok
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak sampai hati tengok takde orang yg willing to layan segala kerenah erina
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy sedih tengok orang pass erina sana sini and taknak be responsible to look after erina
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy sedih bila tengok orang taknak dukung erina and sanggup biarkan erina nangis when that is all you want..
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy sedih bila people make you love them, but when you want them, they are not there..
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy tak sampai hati bila erina sampai merajuk sbb orang tak layan erina..
mummy sayang erina sangat, mummy so proud of you and mummy so very comfortable to tell the world you are my daughter..

erina sayang.. mummy harap erina tau... mummy is always here for you sayang.. whenever and for whatever..mummy tau, i'm gonna have to share your love with so many people..but it's ok.. i'm already so grateful and thankful to be that tiny part of your life sayang.. erina sayang..mummy will never leave you sayang selagi ada hayat.. that's what daddy promised to us before.. and he did keep his promise.. now mummy promise this to erina and i pray i'll keep this promise too..

mummy sayang erina sangat tau.. dunia dan akhirat...

6 IM windows + a telco

i had my weekly telco just now. this week's session started at 7.30 but i only dialed in after maghrib prayer. it's only 3 days after the SCD, so there are still so many things unclear. or should i rephrase that sentence? it's ALREADY 3 days since the SCD, yet there are still lots of things that are not clear!! so this week's telco was meant to give us more information on the new processes, at least that's what i thought. but it turned out very disappointing. the guy who was supposed to be the "expert" didn't sound convincing at all! hehe..at first i thought, oh maybe because i joined a bit late i've missed certain things they discussed..until i was ping by my colleague in NL via our internal IM. then it got kind of funny when my other colleagues started to IM me too.
imagine, the telco was attended by 2 of my colleagues in HOU, 2 (including my boss) + the expert in one meeting room in NL office, and 3 of us at home. all of these people (except my boss and the expert) IM me and gave their comment (or complaint?) on what we were discussing! all of us were LOST! and what's even funnier, while we were "discussing" on IM, the 3 guys in NL (by now that colleague has stopped IM-ing me)were having serius discussion and argument among themselves! hahaha.. we gave up asking because the answers led even to more questions and confusion! before we ended up the session, my boss asked "do you have any other questions?" and we all laughed.
well, it has been very hactic trying to absorb the new processes and procedures. like dave said "i pity S**** until all these are sorted out.." hahahaha.. i told dave "maybe we all should go there so we can have face-to-face discussion".. he replied "sounds good to me..it's very hot here.. i'd like to be in a cooler weather" .... you wish....

when erina think out-of-the-box

taking a break from genetic algorithm, i browsed through some of my pictures collection. i laughed looking at a set of pictures of erina. i still remember that night, we were getting ready to go out for dinner when erina started to throw out all the stuff in her toiletries basket and later tried to fit herself inside it! actually it was not the first time. she's been doing that for a while only that night we felt we should capture that moment of erina using her creativity to think out of the box :-) she was already 1 yr old at that time, just few days before daddy was admitted.