saturday.. sunday..

of late, i always find myself glued on this comfy chair in front of this desktop. gosh! i really need to do something about this! if only those hours were dedicated to supposed-to-be-my baby thesis, i may have had a complete, hard covered thesis by now!

it's saturday. woke up late this morning as a result from sleeping at 3am last night! this is a bonus when i'm on the red alert. other days kena bangun subuh and after that sure dah takde mood nak tido balik. so since i was sick since last Sunday and erina has the house to herself (I didn't bother to stop her from doing whatever she wanted as long as she let me sleep..) as you can guess, the house is in total disaster! so this morning siap mop lantai lagi. so penat now..hahhaa.. mcm la rumah besar sgt..

well, as i told you i'm stuck here now. even belum mandi pun lagi and it's 12 o'clock already.hahahaha... i better get ready. mana nak lunch today ye erina? sunway, shall we.. hv a friend's daughter's bday party to attend at 3.30..another one at 5pm, if time permits. AF is over. so what's our plan for tonight erina?? i expect tomorrow is gonna be a more fun day. wanna watch FOXPRO plays futsal! erina has her orange t-shirt all ready! GO FOXPRO!!! :-)

so many things to say..

when you are too used to having someone all the time to share all your thoughts (even those simple one like "esok nak bangun pukul brapa eh.." or "nak pakai baju apa eh esok.."), and suddenly that person is gone, then you realized how the presence of one person could change your whole world! and trust me, it sucks big time! i mean.. that feeling of having so many things to say but no one is there to listen.. though last time there were times when i babbled and he has no clue of what i was saying, at least i know he's there "listening".. at least i could let the thoughts and words flow rather than having them stuck in my head like now..

blogging does help to some extend.. but what about things like "apa nak makan tonight?".."malasnya nak mandi".. "penatnya nak pegi buang sampah".."pukul brapa nak bangun esok"... u know simple everyday stuff.. if my mum or my parents are around, would it help? maybe a little bit.. but can i expect when i say "malasnya nak mandi" and somebody would say.. "tu la kan.. jom juz.. sapa kalah kena mandi dulu.." oh i so miss you..

feel free to ignore me.. i'm just rambling.. but it definitely did help when you ask "suggest something to cheer up my day" and someone answer "spa"... hahhahaa...

how was the day??

thank you to friends who keep me company for today.....

1. partner in crime - right time ler you are in today. i so miss you la my fren..hahahhaa... something different for lunch! and yeah.. thanks to A and I too sbb cerita yg menarik over lunch..hehehe..

2. MQ - yg tak jemu2 repeat the same thing, ckp same thing again and again.. aku ni mmg ade masalah ingatan sikit.. mmg nak kena ketuk kepala selalu.. thanks ye!

3. bluecandle - simpati betul baca your sms.. but it makes me rasa grateful dgn apa Allah swt bagi pada kita -- the brain utk fikir baik and tak baik.. at least kita diberi akal utk terima semuanya as takdir.. instead of salahkan sesapa kan..

4. ziggy - rajin nak layan my soklan2 utk hari nih.. takleh nak berfikir and weng.. but mcm ok.. rasa mcm pegi outing ngan virtual friend..hehehe.. so ade tak carrot slice sampai at your door?? hehehe.. u should take a break, forget the C and V for a while, and lets go for tea someday.. ke nak pi asam pedas lagi? hehehe..

5. last but not least.... my darling Erina Aisyah........ teman mummy pegi jln2, cerita macam2 kat mummy, buat muka pelik2 kasi mummy gelak (and buat mummy rasa nak jerit je bila erina jerit kat dlm jusco tu..)... mummy sayang erina baaaannyaaakkkkkkkkkkkk!!!! bukan sikit.... hehehhe..

29th May is here again...

it would have been our 4th anniversary today. happy anniversary sayang. you know how much i love you, right? :-)

surprisingly i'm going to the office tomorrow.. or should i just work from home? nah.. insya Allah, i'll be able to handle it better this year.. so see you at the office tomorrow ppl!

i'll visit you soonest i can ok.. no matter what, you are always and always in my prayers... muah!!!

this is what friendster horoscope says today..

The Bottom Line

Surround yourself with the right kinds of people. Seek out fun and good energy.

In Detail

Surround yourself with the right kinds of people today. How? Just think about what type of good energy you want in your life, and then cozy up to whomever you think can give it to you. Don't be afraid to share more of yourself with these people -- you can and should trust them. The attention you get will be flattering, and it could help you see yourself in a whole new light. Get ready for big demands for your time, coming from many different directions.

smile..................

a few conversations:

***

friday after atheletics event, came back to office after fetching erina to get my notebook. hv to fetch her first since it's already 7pm.at office entrance..guard gave me and erina one kind of look..

me: want to go up get my notebook
guard: takleh bawak dia la..
me:haaa?? why.. saya nak naik kejap je get my notebook..takkan nak tinggal dia kat sinih..
guard: takblh patutnya.. nanti dia jatuh ke apa ke..susah
me: (dlm hati... ahhh..hsse issue ngokngek la ni..)
guard: husband mana?
me: why do you think i have one? (hehe, kidding..no i didn't say that..instead, i just told him...) takde..

he let me bawak erina naik after he made me promised 10 minutes only..

***

today at my cubicle, while discussing something with a colleague...suddenly...

K: sapa tuh? (pointing at a picture on my cubicle wall)
me: haa??
K: tu la yg pakai sunglass tuh..
me: (smiling...) oh, that's my hubby la... (dlm hati.. kena ke tanya??)
K: handsomenya...
me: (even wider smile.................) thanks!! hahahahhahaa...

***

today on the way to sports club nak tengok inter-D fusbal..

F: nani.. don't you have plan to remarry ke?
me: (smile.... laughing maybe..) hahahha.. entah la.. i don't exactly "plan" la... (don't know if she got what i meant..do you??)
F: bagus nya.. if i la dah jadi 'j', dah lama i remarry...hahaha.. byk choice nih...
me: hahahahahahaa...

****

well.. nowadays i feel tetiba ppl mcm being more open plak ckp psl my hubby, his replacement or anything related to that.. (except case dgn guard tu la.. logik la kan dia assume i have a husband).. unlike before la kan.. semua mcm nak avoid mentioning about it.. i know this will come la.. so not really a surprise to me.. how do i feel? i don't mind.. sedih sikit la that he's no longer around for me to show-off my hensem hubby..hahahhahaa...but whatever they want to say, assume, think, ask.. be my guest.. i know kalau before mmg rasa mcm nak tumbuk je muka org yg berani buat that kind of statement.. like my uncle yg selamba ckp masa raya hari tu.. "oh.. next yr raya dah berdua la..." mmg rasa menyirap darah.. now things are different i guess.. say what you want to say.. if i feel like responding, i'll say something back.. or else, i will just... smile.................... or laugh la.. that's me anyway.. memang tak byk ckp.. bagus jugak kan jadi a bit quiet ni... so ppl don't always expect an answer from you.. hehehe..

the time will come

i really shouldn't be blogging now. still in the process to recover from fever and flu..but just feel i need to note this down..

while driving back after fetching erina from daycare last friday (yeah, it took me some time to absorb this), suddenly she suprised me.. (she's only 2 yrs and 4mths..tp dia tak pelat...)

erina : "mummy, daddy mana??"
me : "hmmm.."
erina : "daddy kat syurga ye?"
me : "haa?? "
erina : "iye.. daddy kat syurga..."

ok.. where did she get that? i don't see that coming.. must be the aunties kat daycare yg ajar dia i think..

but another surprise was.. i was smiling.. it touched my heart but it definitely didn't break it.. i'm not saying i'm happy.. but i guess i've been waiting for this time to come.. i'm always so anxious to know how i'm gonna deal with this... and my first reaction was... i smiled... and i couldn't believe what i heard.. though i've always wanted to be the first person who tell her about her daddy...

well, if betul la the aunties yg ajar (which i 100% sure since they were the only ppl with her since i left her that morning.. unless her daddy came in her dream or something..heh) i should thank them... sbb at least they tell her something good kan for a start... rather than "daddy sakit" (yup, erina said that once..and..i wonder where she picked that up...hhhhmmmmmmmm???????) .. most of all, i thank Allah swt.. for giving me time to prepare and equip myself before He let me confront this little conversation... slowly, i believe erina will learn the meaning of all these..

as for me.. frankly, i have never said a thing about her daddy to erina... never... all i dare to say is "daddy sayang erina tau..".. every night..itu pun after erina dah tido...