the visit

i was dying to go visit his grave last night. my heart was probably there all night. i ironed my baju kurung before i went to bed, just to make sure i wouldn't be late in the morning. things around me are going crazier that i just wanted to be near him, wanted to be reminded how much i was loved before.

i left home around 8am. as the car moved heading to his grave, my mind was travelling elsewhere. it must be my heart that was controlling my hand, my foot, my driving. the heart was very certain where it wanted to be, that brought me to his grave. when i reached there, it was very quiet. the ground and the grass were still wet. Another 15 minutes to 9 but the sun has not shown itself yet.

I brought a bottle of water as usual. As I entered the graveyard, my tears were rolling down. I said my salam. I knew they could hear me. Silently, I said my prayers for them. Climbing the stairs, I reminded myself why I came. As I reached abang's home, the tears stopped. Suddenly there was a special kind of strength that got into me. Yeah, the same strength I had when I was accompanying him at the hospital. The strength that I have only when I'm near him. I sat there, said my prayers for him and for those who have joined him. Peaceful. Yes, very peaceful. I pray when my time has come to go back to my eternal home, I would feel just as peaceful.