where's boyfriend?

i just read a blog post by a sister who went through the same ordeal, on the status issue for people "like us". should it be a Mrs or Ms?

During the first few months after abg passed, I always insist on "Mrs". The reason was because it made me felt like I was still "connected" and very close to him.. "Ms" was like people trying to "detach" him from me and my life. NO-NO i am not being denial.. i guess it's just me trying to preserve every single thing he brought into my life, everything that relates me to him and him to me..and yes, the title included. whenever i have to fill up a form, without second thought i would select the "M", unless the "W" was clearly stated as an option. no, i did not laugh about it. it was not funny and it was not something my mind considered as something to be questioned!

But as time goes by.. when my sense of humor started to kick in again.. i then started to think that perhaps, i should reconsider my selection.. for no reason.. it just felt a little bit weird.. no, not weird.. just confused.. while i do still consider myself as married to him, the community and the world may not see it the same way.. so there's some kind of mismatch there.. after some time, just for fun, i asked friends "am i a Mrs or a Ms now??" and started laughing about it because nobody can give me the exact, convincing answer... some friends would come up with their own opinion.. and some just "entah.. does it matter?" it's either they just couldn't be bothered, or they're just playing it safe coz there's a possibility that they would say something opposite to what i expected..

"don't make decision until you have to" (quote from "The Last Lecture") so i let my mind plays its role as and when I have to confront that question, either in written or verbal.. and of course, my mood also act as the co-pilot here.. so as you can guess, consistency is out of the question..

how do i tackle "where's your husband" or "what does your husband do?" well, if he/she is a complete stranger (which is often the case), i just say, "he's working".. "he's an engineer".. and all questions that follow will be answered in that mode... i'd give all the correct facts, except i don't tell that most of them only applicable some time ago.. if that person is someone i know, i just tell the truth, as in he has passed away.. and most of the time, the question stops there. but the frequency has greatly reduced by now..

one of the most awkward situation i was put in was during my division dinner mid this year which was attended by roughly about 400 people i think.. to my surprise, my number was called for one of the lucky draw winner.. excitedly, i walked up on stage to receive the prize.. it was a heavy big hamper.. as i was struggling with the hamper and tried to be extra cautious (dgn kebaya and heels lagi!) the mc, with the mic in his hand, suddenly shouted to the crowd "boyfriend mana, tolong la.." (notice the word 'boyfriend'.. do i look that young??:-) ) no answer, nobody dares i think... then he looked at me and asked, "where's your boyfriend??".. dang! i didn't see that coming.. for that split second, surprisingly my mind was fast enough to list a few answers 1) he's with God 2) he couldn't make it 3) he's here, somewhere.... but i ended up with "he's not here".. for a few moments, the hall, which i could safely say 80% of them knew his 'well being', went silent.. am not sure if they were shocked by the question, or the answer!

in a different occassion.. during an open house hosted by a close friend, one of the guests asked "dtg 2 org je ke?", referring to myself and erina...i answered yes.. then she went on.."ni first one ke?" pointing to erina.. i answered "haah.. the only one.." ..next question "bila nak ade yang second pulak??" i just laughed and looked at my friend who's sitting next to me.. and spontaneously, my friend said to me.."ohh.. nanti aku gi alamanda, aku belikan satu utk ko ok?"... hahahhaa.. that's one creative answer!