around this time..

my whole body ached, so i decided to discontinue my sleep. still period. so what can I do? i turned on the pc. replied k.ina's sms she sent me last night. i must have fallen asleep when the sms came in. sms jun, who is on night shift, asking if she wanted to go for breakfast this morning. i read on genetic algorithms..been a while.. i really should get started again! then... dush! it came..

it was around this hour he would normally woke me up to help him doing 'his business' ;-) i could almost hear the soft voice calling out my name.. very soft that i often confused if i was dreaming.. i used to get up and rush to the toilet to get whatever necessary..but then abg pesan..."nani kalau bangun tu, duduk la dulu..jgn la bangun terus.. roh pun baru nak masuk.. kasi darah dlm badan tu jln betul dulu..no need to rush.." hmmm... ye la kang takut 'emergency' case plak kan.. tapi itu la abang.. in that condition, he's still him.. the patient one.. he never raised his voice with me, never!! from day 1 i know him...and of course the one who took care of me, though i felt at that time, he should have released that task from his list.. then i'd help him ambik wuduk.. kat sink takde air panas..so kena tadah air shower.. then solat subuh.. the day has already started for the nurses.. they would send satu jag air masak and satu thermos air panas.. that's not enough for us since abg must drink A LOT of water.. so I would go to the pantry and isi air.. then tolong masak air blk to replace air dlm bekas tuh.. sometimes when i took too long at the pantry, abg would sms me.. "lamanya.." or "mana pegi? i miss you already".. yup, the phone was always with me.. just incase.. though the emergency button just beside him, still he would rather call me first if he needed anything..

it's also around this hour that he went kind of 'unconcious', again, after he just recovered from the previous 'attack' around midnight.. it happened too fast.. it was past midnight when the "usual" shivering which normally took 45minutes went on more than an hour.. the MO and nurses started a bit panic (at least i was!!) when after few attempts, they failed to restore his blood pressure level.. even worse when he started mumbling things out of nowhere.. he asked me to guide him recite some surah which i did.. i stayed beside him while the MO with the annoying gelang2 segala (dah memalam buta still nak pakai gelang2 semua??) and the nurses did their things.. after pints of water (they have to let it run very2 fast, not the usual setitik2 tu..) the blood pressure picked up a little bit after which the MO and nurses left the room.. abang by now has fallen asleep and i sat kat atas kerusi beside him sampai tertido and still holding his hand.. not long after that abg terjaga.. we chat.. he asked me what happened etc.. surprisingly, he said, he heard me baca all the surah with him.. he knew i was there beside him..and yet dia tak sedar pun the MO and nurse were around.. then he asked me to perform solat Subuh first..I did.. then as I finished, I called him... but he's not answering me anymore.. i rushed to the counter to call the nurse.. and it started again...... prof then came and informed he would be transferred to HDW.. then as i watched the nurses busy preparing him nak hantar ke HDW.. prof called "nani, i nak ckp ngan u kejap..." i hated it! i hated that line. it was not the first time! i just heard that less than 24 hours ago, and it was not a good news! yes, prof gave me the initial "notice" just yesterday evening.. and i still have it kept inside my head, not sure if i have "digested" it and obviously have not shared it with anyone.. because there's no one! NOBODY came that evening! i only managed to sms his brother who was on STA in Indon.. he sms to ask some office related stuff (they worked at the same place).. and i replied asking him to come back and told him what the doctor said.. i didn't sms the rest of the family..because to me, the news was too important to just "sms".. i wanted to tell them upfront. unfortunately, nobody showed up that evening.... and now, this prof is going to tell me more bad news?? indeed... since i couldn't utter any words, i only sms everyone "rafiz is going to be transferred to HDW for closer monitoring. can you please come this morning, everybody.. bring erina along.."... and my tears are not stopable anymore..