they are not him, you idiot!

just received a really great news from a friend. A BIG CONGRATULATIONS to you! aku yg excited lebih2.. can't stop smiling..hehehe..alhamdulillah..

but suddenly, gosh i miss him so much! very much.. i hate this feeling.. not that i hate missing him.. but i hate the fact that it's coming back.. i just plan to "stay positive" as much as i can.. but now here i am again.. i feel disappointed with myself..why can't i just miss him, without feeling so sad? why can't i just think of him, without wishing he would come back? why can't i? i thought i've "let him go".. but how come i still can say "i want you here so bad"..i miss that comforting hugs.. i wish i can have one of those now..ok, there i go again..

i'm not in a good mood actually, but that great news surely did cheer me up a little bit.. just feel like talking/chatting but no one's there to talk/chat to me back.. but i understand..ppl have their own life.. sometimes i wonder, they say "we are always here for you", "we'll be here whenever you need us.." but where are they when i need them most? like now..then i realize.. the expectation and deliverable are different.. while i could expect him to be there for me at anytime, of course i can't expect the same from others.. i guess, again the definition of "always" and "whenever" are totally different all together..they are not him who share the life with me, who think my life is as important as his.. they can never spare their time for me like he did.. even myself can't be there for my friends but i could drop other things in my life, just for him.. be with him was more important than tido, i could postpone gosok baju just to hear him talking, he only switched on his notebook after i slept, he had a break from Verdi just to make sure i took my vitamins before i slept.. i'm so spoilt! so tell me how can i not miss him and not wish him to come back?

p/s: i know.. God is always with me..