i just hope you can see what i see..

you are making it worse. you still don't get it do you? do i have to spell every word to make you understand?

i'm so sorry but what you think is best for me, is not what i think best for myself. it's not what i need, what i want. please understand. i need emotional support, advice, suggestion but i choose who i want to get it from, and it's definitely not from you. i have people who i trust, whose words i have confidence in, whose suggestions i include in my decisions, whose advice i carry with me wherever i go, and i'm just so sorry, you are not part of it. i'm sorry but you are not as important as you feel i am to you. i don't feel close to you at all, as you think you are to me. i just do what i feel i need to do, and it's already feel like a chore, what more to do something i don't think i need to.

you never know what i'm going through coz you never care. all that matters is always what YOU have to face, what YOU have to endure. i lost the love of my life, my soulmate. i don't expect you to know how it feels like because you are not tested with the same test. or perhaps, you never really understand what "soulmates" really mean. but at this moment, i couldn't care less what you feel, how you feel, what you think is right and not right..what you think i should and should not do..i don't care! i have so much things to be worried about at this point of time, so please if you really want to help, don't add new items into the list! i would just append it to my existing list, or worse, put it under number infinity or i may just put it in my temp folder and i'll pick up later, if it has not been automatically thrown into the recycle bin.

can't you understand the blood that runs in my vein, is totally of different traits. what works for you, may not always work for me. what you feel important, may not be important to me. the way we see things are different, because WE ARE DIFFERENT. I survive 28++ yrs of my life being independent, make my own decisions, share things with whom I CHOOSE to share as and when i feel like it! and alhamdulillah, i'm very comfortable with that and i'm not planning to change any part of it. So please, please stop acting like you are my lifesaver, cause as i last check, i need not to be saved. alhamdulillah, i'm doing just fine. and seriusly, sometimes, the best help you can offer me is DO NOTHING and DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET CLOSE! the closer you are trying to be, you actually pushing me even farther away. and please, before you even open your mouth to say i hurt your feelings, or you are sad, please bear in my mind - i don't care and i'm not interested to know.

please, all i need now is some space as i'm cathing up with the time.. i dont understand why it is so difficult for you while the space is not even yours! i just want to keep that distance. if you can't put me in his hugs, please don't put me anywhere else other than where i choose to be. if this is all about her, i would say, you can trust me..if you have to worry, then i guess you don't know me at all.. i'm a person who hold onto my principles.. i don't say things because i just want to "lepaskan perasaan" or just to make you feel good.. i mean what i say.. i choose my words..

i'm not mad at you.. i'm just so tired..suddenly my "special clock" that i specially allocated for you stop ticking..it just died and i guess that's when i just stop doing what i used to do..

i just hope God will make you see what i see..