wedding video

thanks to adi&farah, now my desktop has firewire plus 2GB RAM!! so last night i transferred some of our wedding video from the videocam to my desktop. watching the video made me smile, laugh and cry!! see him smiling, kissing me..man! it's just so real! then i started reminiscing..it hurts so bad!!next thing i know, i just couldnt stop crying! it's coming to 8 months now. you've left me that long!! the pain, the missing part do not get any lesser..only now i think i can control my mind from reminisce too much.. i have to, otherwise i can lose my mind. and it's so very-very painful that i cannot stand it. i can't stand the pain. i feel like my heart is pulled out of my chest! almost 8 months has passed.. but i still keep your shirts hanging in the closet.. your shirts and pants are all in the closet, i still have all your shoes in the shoe rack.. all those stuff inside your notebook bag is still there..except i have returned the notebook to e//.. i still haven't terminate your phone line, i still have your aftershave, your shampoo in the bathroom.. am i being denial? i don't know.. i don't think so..it's just that i cannot do it.. i cannot stand the thought that you are gone forever.. i know you are gone.. but by giving away your belongings to other people make me feel like i "agree" to that idea that you gone.. it's hard to explain.. am i crazy?? hemh.. maybe..